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US POLITICS ABORTION Rick Wilson interviews Ryan Hamilton about the damage done to women and families by extreme anti-abortion laws in Texas. PLAY YOUTUBE VIDEO Original article: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKWhAijFLA0 Peter Burgess COMMENTARY Peter Burgess
Lincoln Project Co-Founder Reveals DARK PLANS of his Former Party MeidasTouch Aug 7, 2024 2.92M subscribers ... 185,736 views ... 18K likes Burn the Boats Podcast This week on Burn The Boats, we are airing an episode of The Lincoln Project Podcast, in which Rick Wilson interviews Ryan Hamilton about the damage done to women and families by extreme anti-abortion laws in Texas. Ryan’s wife miscarried, and was unable to receive healthcare, leading to complications that nearly killed her. Follow The Lincoln Project Podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... • The Lincoln Project Podcast Subscribe to Ken’s YouTube channel here: / @team_harbaugh Visit https://meidastouch.com for more! Support the MeidasTouch Network: / meidastouch Add the MeidasTouch Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Buy MeidasTouch Merch: https://store.meidastouch.com Follow MeidasTouch on Twitter: / meidastouch Follow MeidasTouch on Facebook: / meidastouch Follow MeidasTouch on Instagram: / meidastouch Follow MeidasTouch on TikTok: / meidastouch Transcript 0:01 it's Ken Harbaugh with the minus touch Network this is a tough episode Ryan Hamilton's wife nearly died after a miscarriage because of extremist policies in Texas passed by religious zealots posing as political leaders given the stakes in this presidential election for women especially this may well be the most important interview we've ever shared and I'm not even the one doing the interview there are two reasons for that the first is that my good friend over at the Lincoln project Rick Wilson just had an extraordinarily thoughtful and compassionate conversation with Ryan that's what you'll be hearing today huge thanks to Rick and the Lincoln project podcast for giving us permission to reair this if you haven't yet subscribed to the Lincoln project podcast please do the link is in the show notes the second reason is that I am pretty sure I would not have made it through this interview if I was the one doing it my wife and Marie and I lost a child years ago and it is still hard to talk about I wrote about it at the time I'll share that Essay with you at the end of this interview but I know there is no way I 1:06 could have gotten through this conversation with nearly the level of professionalism that Rick brings to it I also cannot fathom the strength it takes Ryan to keep telling this story but he tells it because it matters I hope you will listen I hope you will share it and I hope you will vote like lives depend on it here is Rick Wilson and Ryan Hamilton folks this is a tough show I'm recording this after we've recorded the show and I'm a little shook I'm going be honest with you I'm upset I'm emotional I'm angry The Story You're about to hear um is of Ryan Hamilton and his wife and the fact that the state of Texas caused her even though her child 2:00 had died to be tortured for 96 hours based on their their abortion bans in the state and the lavish insane cruelty of those bands they are not pro-life they are not small government they are not in any way anything you could imagine and they're backed up by an army of online hate that we will talk about towards the end of this segment that has left me absolutely livid I it's a tough show don't listen to this with your kids it's hard it's very very difficult to hear but I want you to hear it because Ryan Hamilton's story is important it speaks to where our country is headed and headed fast in a lot of states that have decided that women don't have rights at all and I say this as somebody who believes that abortion is a morally complicated and terrible issue I say this as someone who Treasures life but I say this also is someone who 3:01 when you watch the hand of government with the corporate medical establishment 3:07 play out in this story if you're not as disgusted and angry as I am I will be 3:13 shocked it's not easy to listen to but with that let's go with our friend Ryan 3:18 Hamilton thanks your task will not be an easy one your enemy is well trained well 3:25 equipped and battle heart there is not a liberal America and a conservative of America there is the United States of 3:34 America good night and good luck hi folks and welcome back to the Lincoln project podcast um our guest today is 3:42 Ryan Hamilton and you may have heard Ryan and his wife's story um they live in rural Texas and a few months ago um 3:50 Ryan's wife uh got some very tragic news that their child that they desperately 3:56 wanted um no longer had a heartbeat and and Ryan's story and the story of his 4:02 wife played out in in the state of Texas unfortunately where because of the 4:09 change in the laws there and because of the Chang in the post-dbs 4:14 environment um the restrictions on women receiving life-saving Health Care have 4:19 become so onerous and so punitive that 4:24 um his wife had to suffer through excruciating days of pain and fear and 4:30 Terror um and and Ryan has told his story in such an eloquent way and I'm so 4:36 grateful Ryan for you coming on the show today because I I think our audience needs to hear a little bit about what's 4:41 at stake as we move forward and your story and your wife's story and your family story is one that moved me 4:48 profoundly and I wanted to have you on because I think your voice and your your 4:54 your experience is really important so thank you for coming on the podcast and and if you could better than I can tell 5:03 us the story and then we then I want to dive into the different parts of it and and talk about the 5:09 future no problem thank you for having me first of all uh as I've said a few 5:14 times this is the last thing I thought I would be doing I'm sure um but I'm here 5:20 and I'm going to do my best and that may be the first time somebody's called me eloquent so thank you very much I'd 5:26 appreciate that um yeah so 5:33 God several weeks ago it was like Thursday my wife was almost 13 weeks 5:40 pregnant with our second child and she just made a comment in passing I don't 5:46 feel right something doesn't feel right and that just kind of rings alarm bells for any couple sure um not long after 5:54 that she had severe abdominal pain and then she started bleeding 6:00 and we went to we live like you said in a rural part of Texas so we only have 6:06 two options we have the big scary hospital or an emergency clinic and in 6:14 that situation the calmer environment of an emergency clinic felt better so that's 6:23 what we did and it was closer so we went to the emergency clinic and there they 6:30 examined her and found out that our baby no longer had a heartbeat and they also 6:37 discovered that it had actually stopped growing and its heart had probably stopped a week or 6:43 so prior it is um which made it even more urgent 6:53 because my wife could develop sepsis the risk of infection skyrockets 6:59 um they tell us that we have two options there's a DNC which is something we 7:06 learned about I mean we had kind of heard about it and the way other people hear about it the stories in the news 7:12 but you're not really familiar um or a drug called misoprostol is it they said that they 7:20 didn't do wouldn't do the DNC there 7:25 right and suggested the Miso Pro doll which they would write us a prescription for and 7:32 send us home that to us was really concerning 7:38 because first of all why are they giving us an option that they can't or won't do 7:44 and secondly why would we ever go home to handle this ourselves right 7:51 and that's what the doctor did and in that moment we're looking to the doctor to tell us what to do we're devast ated 8:00 by that news and we want the doctor to tell us this is what you should do 8:06 now and that's what they did they wrote us a prescription for miso proall and 8:11 sent us home and the pharmacy didn't open until the next morning if so we had 8:19 to go home and go to bed and try and sleep with that knowledge and with the 8:25 baby still inside of my wife that is and nobody 8:30 slept she cried all night and the next morning Friday morning I was at the 8:37 pharmacy first thing sure to try and get the prescription um after we left we did a 8:44 little research that Thursday night just because you're 8:49 in the middle of it you want to understand and just like a lot of people you get on your phone and you want to see what is this drug what are we 8:55 getting ourselves into and we learned that not every pharmac will even seal a 9:00 prescription from misoprostol in Texas because it's referred to as the 9:06 abortion pill right um we got lucky I found a pharmacy with an all female 9:12 staff and they filled the prescription and when they filled the 9:18 prescription the pharmacist held my hand was odd but I remember her grabbing my hand 9:25 and just looking at me like it was she was trying to comfort me or just tell me like it's okay I don't know I I was 9:33 either looking a certain way that made her do that or she knew that we couldn't get that drug anywhere else right so I 9:43 go home that Friday morning with the prescription and we start and the 9:49 instructions on the prescription are one sentence insert vaginally wait four to 6 9:57 hours and repeat and that's it those those are the only 10:03 instructions um I thought they had forgotten to give us more information or 10:09 pamphlet book or something um I I think a lot of people 10:15 think it's a pill you take orally or you swallow right they don't they don't realize that it's administered in the 10:21 most intrusive awkward way and it's multiple pills right um so we start that 10:29 and it starts to go wrong pretty quick what it does is it induces labor 10:34 essentially so we have a 9-month old now a 10-month-old daughter um so I'm in the living room 10:41 with our daughter my wife is in the bedroom and our bathroom we have the doors open so we can communicate back 10:46 and forth about what's going on so I'm trying to you know keep a happy face for 10:53 our little girl in the living room she starts and she starts saying pretty 11:00 quick does something isn't right I don't think this is right she's she had been bleeding since Thursday night now she's 11:06 bleeding profusely because of this drug right and we 11:13 called the Emergency Center back and said we don't think this is right 11:19 something feels very wrong about this they asked us what color the blood was 11:24 mhm and we said it's it's red it's bright red and they said it should be brown if 11:30 it's not brown blood then something is wrong and as morbid as that sounds I 11:37 want people to hear that part because that became our Focus was the color of the 11:43 blood and she's in the bathroom I'm in the living room with our little girl and 11:48 that's the conversation back and forth for hours and hours is it still bright red is it brown blood it's still bright 11:56 red we have one refill on the prescription we reached the end of the first dose which is it's terrifying to 12:05 go through it it's not working the blood is apparently the wrong color so I go to the pharmacy make 12:13 sure I get there before they close and they give us the refill the last refill on that prescription okay and we start 12:20 over again Friday night and that goes all the way through the night it get 12:26 gets us to Saturday morning still bright red blood she's still breed bleeding 12:34 profusely um Saturday morning we call the emergency center again hey this is 12:40 not working what do we need to do well we can write you another prescription 12:45 but you have to come back in and get rechecked so we went back on the Saturday morning to the emergency 12:52 center they take my wife back the nurse does the usual thing checks her checks 12:58 her blood pressure does all of the things they have her chart from Thursday night they know what happened right there's another doctor on 13:06 call you can hear him from his desk he was sitting at his 13:12 desk and he said I'm not giving her a pill so she 13:17 can go home and have an abortion and I don't know if he knew she could hear him 13:24 say that or not but he collected himself I guess and then directly to my wife 13:31 said considering the current stance I'm not going to prescribe you this 13:38 medicine end of doctor's appointment not but let's do a DNC immediately because 13:45 this is clearly going wrong right just the end of doctor's appointment and the nurse you could tell 13:53 she wanted to do something the nurse could not believe it and my wife becomes hysterical of 14:01 course because what option did they yeah what they gave us no option they just sit her on her way 14:08 crying with a with our baby inside of her and no more 14:14 medicine so we have to kind of collect ourselves our daughter's still with us 14:20 in the car seat we're in the truck we're trying to get it together we know there's a hospital an hour away it's 14:25 where our daughter was born we called they said come in 14:32 immediately we went they took her right back I stayed in the truck with our 14:39 daughter and my wife and I were on FaceTime cuz we wanted to Shield our 14:45 little girl from as much of this as possible course she would so I'm in the truck just trying to say we're on an 14:52 adventure everything's okay and that balance was hard for both of us because 14:58 right well for bons I'm sure you understand of course of course they take her back and 15:04 she has to start all over again with the examination they have to do a new Scan 15:10 they have to reconfirm the baby has no heartbeat they are asking her all the same questions over 15:16 again and they do their examination they determine the same thing they know she's 15:22 two rounds of misoprostol in she's bleeding through several pads over 15:28 several hours she started bleeding Thursday night now it's Saturday midm 15:35 morning and after they do the examination and determine what we 15:41 already know plus they have the information of her taking the misool 15:48 twice they just disappeared for hours only to come back in occasionally 15:55 and ask some question that they've already asked just see hey you doing 16:01 okay it was odd and they finally come back in the doctor and they decided that 16:13 it was not enough of an emergency to perform a DNC and for people that don't know what 16:20 a DNC is it's a procedure to get the baby out um abortion is what is done a 16:27 DNC is how it's done essentially 16:32 so what they told us is that my wife was not close enough to 16:39 dying sorry Rick I just can't I try and tell this and just tell it and it's hard 16:44 Ryan man I'm here for you but so they decide it's not enough of an 16:55 emergency and they're going to do us a favor and give us one more round of miso 17:01 proall but this time much stronger with no 17:06 refills they say if we decide we want a DNC maybe they can schedule one for a 17:13 week or two later oh Christ and that's where they get away with it because technically 17:20 they offered on the discharge paperwork on the hospital it's it recommends we go 17:28 see our OB go get anybody who has an 17:33 OB you know you can't get an appointment immediately 17:39 right I don't understand how they have this information they know my wife could 17:45 get an infection or sepsis and die and they just want to delay it but technically offer and they just sent us 17:52 back home and we went back home on Saturday and started all over 17:57 again this time time though it's still one 18:03 sentence but the instructions are different it says insert vaginally wait 18:09 I believe it was 8 to 10 hours 18:14 repeat so we go home and we start again I'm in the living room with our daughter 18:20 my wife no longer has the strength to go from the bed to the bathroom she had 18:25 developed this routine lay down in bed until it got too bad get up go sit on the toilet which is what you have to do 18:32 and go back and forth she's no longer strong enough to do that so she just stays in the bathroom and lays down and 18:39 she asked me to bring her a heating blanket and a 18:45 pillow and that was the first like hold on a second moment for 18:50 me because when I went in the bathroom and she was laying in the floor of the bathroom and I'm wrapping her in this 18:57 heating blanket she was ice cold and she was clammy like sticky yep and I had to 19:05 lift her head up and put it on the pillow I put some 19:10 towels and I I remember walking back into the living room and it was the 19:16 first time I had the thought like is she going to die like what's right what is 19:22 the level of what's happening so 19:32 that gets us through to Sunday 19:38 morning she started bleeding Thursday night we're into Sunday now Jesus 19:44 Christ so we haven't slept she's been bleeding profusely for over 48 19:54 Hours she's in the bathroom just on the floor with barely enough strength to get 20:01 up on the toilet and then lay back down and we started just kind of 20:09 this awful routine this Sunday morning I get up routine is important for a 20:15 9-month-old little girl so I'm feeding her breakfast trying to do the normal 20:22 things I had a missed call on my phone my wife was no longer strong enough to 20:28 yell at me from the other room so she had started calling me if she needed 20:33 me and I had a missed call because I was taking care of our little girl right and 20:40 when I saw it I went into the I set her daughter in in her play pin went into 20:48 the bedroom then into the bathroom and she had fallen off of the toilet and she was 20:57 unconscious and there was uh blood from the toilet seat down 21:03 into the floor she had fallen in a really awkward position right in a 21:09 position where you know something it's very 21:15 wrong and I just started yelling it's it was like it was out of 21:21 body sure you know are you okay can you hear me all of those things 21:29 so I picked her up and put her back on the toilet it's so disgusting to me that 21:35 that so much of this happens there right and I dressed 21:42 her and carried her into the living room still 21:50 unconscious put our daughter in the car seat put my daughter in the truck 21:58 came back in got my wife still unconscious carried her to the truck I wasn't calling an ambulance we didn't 22:04 trust any of these people I was not waiting sure some people think this is very 22:10 irresponsible of me but my wife is alive so I hate to argue with him but I drove 22:19 my wife to the hospital our only other option other than that first emergency 22:24 clinic where that guy cided the current stay we're not going back 22:31 there got her to the hospital ran in said my wife is unconscious she's 22:37 bleeding they came out I helped her I helped them get her out of the truck 22:43 onto the cart and they took her back and they 22:48 said thank God you brought her when you did and it's the only time they didn't 22:57 hesitate because she was finally close enough to dead that they had to yeah help and they 23:06 saved her they gave her the fluids that she needed they said she had lost a ton of blood she was severely 23:12 dehydrated and they wanted to keep her longer but 23:18 she didn't want to be poked and prodded anymore right and we left the 23:25 hospital that same day later that day they still they still weren't offering 23:30 to do the DNC at that point correct so 23:35 they were able we were able though to confirm that the baby was no longer with her that 23:41 though now that we've gotten through it and we've learned what we've learned there's 23:48 still there are still things that can be left that cause infection so why they didn't go well 23:56 let's maybe check let's I don't know sure but they didn't offer but they did 24:02 confirm the baby was no longer with her um and I love the argument from these 24:07 people online oh so the medicine worked why are you 24:12 complaining hi everyone it's Ken Harbaugh and I need to take a short break here to ask all of you watching 24:18 and listening for a quick favor I am starting my own YouTube channel at teamore harball where I'll be posting 24:25 videos regularly including bonus content it's great place to find both burn the boats and against all enemies episodes 24:32 including the full archive that's going to take a while to upload but it's all going to live there I could really use 24:39 your help growing the Channel please consider subscribing today the link is in the show notes or just search for 24:46 teamore Harbaugh on YouTube I really appreciate the support everything we do 24:51 here depends on you thanks so much Lumen is the world's first handheld 24:58 metabolic coach it's a device that measures your metabolism through your breath and on the app 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not thinking it was 29:01 going to go out to the world and become news sure so I did that and because I 29:08 did that and I've been sharing we had some doctors reach out from all over the US 29:17 and they've been amazing and they've been able to kind of guide us and guide our expectations a couple in particular 29:23 that I've been asked not to say anything about of course um 29:29 so my wife did get an infection and narrowly avoided 29:37 sepsis and just today got her first negative pregnancy 29:42 test cuz her body still thought she was pregnant right 29:49 um it's a horrific thing to go through all on its own without 29:58 the state of Texas torturing someone like that I mean 30:04 that that your your your wife and and I think there's no better phrase for it than what you just said was torture your 30:10 wife was tortured for far far longer than any rational 30:16 person could could conscience because of politics at the 30:22 end of the day yeah and and you know we know Texas is a 30:28 conservative State I live in Florida it's a conservative state do you do you think that if any of these people that 30:35 were passing these wildly expanded restrictions do you think if any of these people had one hour in your shoes 30:43 in this experience that they would have voted for it no chance I don't think a man could 30:50 survive a minstral cycle you know what I mean oh I'm told 30:55 yeah my wife would tell you the same thing but and they think men think we 31:03 know what's best and that this is some sort of Bible related Christian point 31:11 of view it's so up Rick that they 31:17 think this is okay and they would never in a million years they wouldn't have lasted the Thursday night let alone all 31:24 the way to Sunday right let me ask you another question about 31:30 this do you think the medical personnel really 31:35 understood the law or do you think they're just like okay it's illegal now it we're not doing it because it it 31:42 felt like to me like when he says the current stance I'm I'm sure this guy didn't go and like read the legal you 31:48 know briefings about it do you think they just don't understand what they can 31:53 and can't do or is it they're just like scared to cross the line with with the with the Texas law great question they 32:01 seem scared and if people don't know they face prison and huge finds great um 32:07 if they don't navigate that accordingly so the word 32:14 abortion doesn't really get used when you're in the middle of it they're afraid to say it sure understandably so 32:21 so they use words like the tissue or a DNC or you know they don't want to come 32:27 out and say abortion because they're afraid and even that older gentleman 32:33 that made that terrible right statement to us I think that comes from fear and 32:39 confusion because he's not even quite sure what he's allowed to do right I think that is I I I I look I know a lot 32:47 of doctors I I I've and and I talked to a couple um I was emailing with a couple 32:53 of of my friends who were doctors this morning and asking them like you've heard of of this case what would you 32:58 have done and they were all to every every person I spoke to or communicated with about this the opinion was like you 33:06 know Texas law is so bad I would you know everybody they all live in states where it's not like Texas they they were 33:12 all like I would just stun it I would have just said screw it done it save the save the life save the woman's life and 33:18 one asked me a really interesting question he said so they knew from the beginning of the process that the baby 33:26 had died they knew from the beginning the baby had died and and he asked me he said at that point it's not an abortion 33:35 in the in the in the sense that the text legislature means at that point this is 33:40 just taking tissue out of the body that is already pass it is already dead and 33:46 and it's like that's what that's what troubled me so much about this story is they knew from the beginning like from 33:52 the time you walked in the door of the first visit the baby was gone no baby 33:58 there left it was just gone and and that that's what outrages me about this story 34:05 is they tortured your wife for days even though they knew that on the front 34:11 end and I don't know what if that's says something about the the the character of those people or the character of the 34:17 medical system or the character of of the power of fear or whether the corporations that own these medical 34:23 clinics are are are interpreting the law in a way that ends up being this 34:29 nightmare for people I just don't know and I I I don't know if any of us really know but you guys experienced it in such 34:36 a a I mean it's it's a heart-wrenching story man and I feel for you and I feel 34:41 for your wife at such a level because nobody should go through what you went through um thank you but I want to I 34:49 want to take it to what happened after you told your story because it did get worse in a lot of ways people people 34:57 treated you in ways online that when when I saw you in my 35:03 feed people were treating you in ways online of such extravagant horrific 35:10 torturous cruelty I could not I I could not believe they were members of the same 35:16 human race talk to us a little bit about what happened once your story became 35:21 more widely known with the trolling and the and the and the and the and the attacks 35:27 well it's the last thing we ever thought was going to happen we were just going to inform like I said the people that 35:33 were kind of keeping up sure and then it went viral it's the 35:39 last thing you want to go viral really of course and I wasn't ready for that 35:46 you're a liar this is political propaganda um but I could kind of stomach that 35:56 then on my original post I quoted my wife because she yelled at one point out 36:05 of frustration get this dead baby out of me right and I referenced that and these 36:14 people made memes they made a 36:21 song get this dead baby out of me became a big joke to these people right 36:28 they said things like your wife killed your 36:33 baby it's the worst side of humanity I didn't know it could get that 36:40 bad and it infuriated me and I had to learn 36:46 and I'm better now and it's only been a few weeks but you want to hurt him 36:54 and you want to convince them of their ignorance but 37:01 they are so far gone yep there's no convincing them otherwise and that's 37:08 that's been the biggest thing for me it's not the cruelty which is at a level I didn't know was possible right and 37:15 these people claiming they're Christians there's nothing Christian about these people they're full of hate and 37:21 ignorance and right and I mean if you're going to be a Christian that's being 37:26 compassionate and care caring and forgiving and helping people in need 37:31 they're doing none of that and and the cruelty continues because now I'm 37:37 fighting back and the louder they get the louder I get and the advantage I have is I've taken the time to educate 37:44 myself I've spoken to doctors and professors and I want to 37:50 learn not just go uh our team needs to win which is all these people are doing 38:00 but the up things they have said to me and my 38:05 wife I did not know was possible I went I remember you and I DMD some at some 38:10 point in the couple last few weeks about it and I remember going through your feed and just seeing the things people 38:16 were saying that I would not wish on my worst enemy in the world the the the the 38:23 degree to which it was just I mean so uh Beyond civilized Beyond understanding 38:32 I I I felt for you guys and I've been thinking about you guys and and praying about you guys ever since then because 38:37 it's like you went through something that is so horrifying and so painful and and all 38:45 the time you as a father and a husband your wife is suffering what could 38:51 be the end of her life She's suffering from the loss of a child you're trying 38:56 to take care of your 9-month old baby I can't look through the history here and say this that you did anything in this 39:04 in this case that deserves even a a millionth of this stuff that they're laying on you and I I I feel for you and 39:12 your wife and your family because um what they're doing represents something 39:19 that honestly they don't get to come back from yeah you know they they they should pray they never have this 39:26 circumstance they should pray that Karma never comes to get them for doing this to you and your family it is it's 39:33 unbelievable but I I think one of the things Ryan that I admire so much about you 39:39 is you went forward when it got hard to tell the story you kept telling the 39:44 story because the story is important to tell 39:50 and your emotional the the emotional burden you'll carry on this is going to be with 39:55 you for a while my friend going to not going to soft pedal it I think you know it but I think you've also got a lot of 40:02 friends out in the world now you got a lot of people who admire your courage and I want to thank you so much 40:08 for coming on the show today and telling your story really means a lot thanks Rick I 40:14 really appreciate it please give your wife our very best I get a little emotional sometimes 40:20 guys but um I appreciate you and thanks for coming on the show today and and uh and 40:28 hopefully next time I'm out your way in the world we will get together and go have a beer and have happier times 40:33 you're invited absolutely brother we'll talk to you soon thanks 40:38 Rick thanks again to Rick Ryan and the Lincoln project podcast it's been 13 40:44 years since an Marie and I experienced a miscarriage and it still hurts but I 40:49 want everyone who's been through something similar to know that the pain does heal with time and so I thought I'd 40:55 share this piece I wrote back in 11 for all things considered on NPR I also want 41:00 to express my deepest gratitude to this incredible community at the Midas touch Network for everything you have done to 41:08 support this show and this channel thank you every culture has its death rituals 41:16 whether it's a wake or the Jewish custom of sitting shiva these ceremonies exist to help us say goodbye to loved ones but 41:24 as commentator Ken Harbaugh knows all too well the death of an unborn child is different an event not generally marked 41:31 in public he has this reflection on how he and his wife have dealt with the kind of pain that few talk about it has been 41:38 3 months since the miscarriage we weren't far along still in the first trimester so only our closest friends 41:44 knew we were expecting an Marie my wife is fine at least her body is fine there 41:50 was something broken in both of us though my wife and I have every reason to be grateful the miscarriage happened 41:56 early on on an Marie was never in danger we have two beautiful girls already if we want we can still have more but the 42:04 whole experience left us wondering how One deals with a tragedy that happens quietly at 42:10 home a few weeks before we lost the baby my wife's grandfather died his funeral 42:15 like any other was solemn but also beautiful everyone came all 10 kids from 42:21 across the country distant relatives co-workers people from church stopped by to pay their respects they mourned 42:27 alongside the family we buried Grandpa Kel that afternoon and woke the next morning with the memory of a beautiful 42:34 sendoff there is a reason that such ceremonies exist who knows if it meant anything to 42:40 Grandpa lying in his casket but it meant a lot to everyone else I gave him my gold navy Wings pinned to an American 42:47 flag laid on his chest he was the only other Navy pilot in the family and I felt the need to solemnize that 42:54 connection others said goodbye in their own way some talked to him some knelt for a while by his side most importantly 43:02 we all said farewell together a miscarriage is tragic Enough by itself 43:08 what makes it worse is the fact that no social custom has evolved to help us through the loss there was no ceremony 43:15 no coming together no ritualized support anarie and I suffered alone in silence most of our friends had no idea we were grieving it took me two weeks to tell my own mom and it's not as if life stopped or even slowed down to allow us a moment to reflect we had jobs to get to kids to take care of real sadness seemed an Indulgence we could not afford in the months since I have learned something about this kind of grief it is not a luxury but an essential part of healing so this weekend after the kids are in bed anry and I will do something that may seem a little crazy we will head into the garden with a bulb we've been saving We will bury it say a few words and hold each other we will finally have our 44:03 ceremony I suspect that watching the first green Chute push up through the Earth will hurt every time we see it we will be reminded of what happened to us but that's all right grief cannot be buried forever with enough time and a little sunlight it might just transform itself into something that aches a little less love this video make sure you stay up toate on the latest breaking news and all things midest by signing up to the mest touch newsletter at mest touch.com newsletter [Music]

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