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Gmail Peter Burgess
TVM-MDIA white paper
alan longley
Thu, Oct 10, 2013 at 9:29 PM
To: Peter Burgess
Hello Peter,
I am delving into your white paper; I have many comments, thoughts, criticisms and praise.
Let's start with the criticisms and save the rest for later.
- 1. Why is it that -- especially from some of your more personable emails -- I think of you as masterful writer of English, yet I see but glimpses of this ability in this document? Maybe it is because your spoken English is so perfect. Have you tried reading this white paper aloud?
- 2. In this document, we have TrueValueMetrics, MDIA, and Triple Bottom Line Analysis presented. Three products is too many to sell. Why not pick one? It seems like Triple Bottom Line Analysis are three of the dimensions of MDIA - if so delineate this clearly.
- 3. If you do use Triple Bottom Line Analysis, I think you should identify the three bottom lines with bullet points early on.
- 4. You have tendency to gripe, e.g. the ills of large corporations. If you gripe, I suggest you immediately come up with a concrete solution.
- 5. Your mention of the atomic bomb on page 6 seems disjointed and out of place.
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