Burgess COMMENTARY

Peter Burgess

3:15 / 43:08

First Lady Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey Hold a Conversation on the Next Generation of Women

https://youtu.be/LCmwkjSzr2g

The White House The White House

Published on Jun 14, 2016

There's a lot that's been done by and for women and girls, but there's still plenty to do. Convened by the White House, the United State of Women Summit will rally all of us together to celebrate what we've achieved, and how we're going to take action moving forward. Covering key gender equality issues, we'll make a powerful difference in our collective future.

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English 0:00MS. WINFREY: Hi, everybody! 0:02(applause) 0:06We are here for the United State of Women! 0:09(applause) 0:10Mrs. Obama: Now, I know you all have had a busy, packed, 0:18full day -- very inspiring, right? 0:20(applause) 0:22And hopefully, our conversation will live up to 0:25the hype. 0:27But before we begin, of course, I want to take a 0:30moment to just acknowledge what has happened in Orlando 0:38-- that even as we gather here today and we talk about 0:41the challenges that women face, we have to remember 0:45those that we lost in Orlando, as well as those 0:50who were injured, and all of their loves ones, and know 0:53that we will all continue to keep them in our thoughts 0:56and prayers. 0:58But the one thing I just want us all to know -- that 1:00in tragic times like these, in this country, it's time 1:04for us to come together, to love each other, to support 1:08each other and not tear each other down. 1:11(applause) 1:13So I hope that that is one of the many takeaways that 1:17we move forward with. 1:19And I just love you all for the work -- the amazing work 1:25you all have done today and that you do every single day. 1:29So I'm going to turn it over to Oprah. 1:31MS. WINFREY: Hello. 1:32Mrs. Obama: We have Oprah Winfrey here. 1:34(applause) 1:38MS. WINFREY: And our First Lady of the United States. 1:46(applause) 1:46Mrs. Obama: Of America. 1:47MS. WINFREY: Of America, not just of women, yes. 1:49(laughter) 1:51So I think that the fact that -- I've been watching 1:55this being streamed all day, and the fact that there are 1:58men here, women here of all ages -- young women, 2:03maturing women -- and all walks of life is a move in 2:08the right direction, would you not say? 2:10Mrs. Obama: Absolutely, absolutely. 2:12I'm just proud of all the work that's been done here. 2:15So I agree. 2:16MS. WINFREY: Well, I wanted to start with the issue of 2:20self-value and self-worth. 2:23Because over the years, I've interviewed thousands of 2:27people, most of them women, and I would say that the 2:32root of every dysfunction I've ever encountered, every 2:36problem has been some sense of a lacking of self-value 2:41or of self-worth. 2:44And I know that we all know that we live in a world 2:48where you are constantly being bombarded by images 2:53that encourage you to be liked, literally. 2:57And it's a lot to live up to. 2:59And I wonder, particularly you, who have had to face 3:04this as your own woman and as a candidate's wife, the 3:12pressure of other people's expectations -- and what can 3:15you share with our audience here and online that would 3:19help us stand more inside ourselves and own that space? 3:25Mrs. Obama: Very good question. 3:29Well, one of the things that I always -- I tell my 3:31mentees, I tell my daughters is that our first job in 3:35life as women, I think, is to get to know ourselves. 3:39And I think a lot of times we don't do that. 3:43We spend our time pleasing, satisfying, looking out into 3:47the world to define who we are -- listening to the 3:51messages, the images, the limited definitions that 3:54people have of who we are. 3:56And that's true for women of color for sure. 3:59There is a limited box that we are put in, and if we 4:02live by that limited definition we miss out on a 4:08lot of who we are. 4:09But it takes taking the time to know who you are to be 4:14able to deal with the onslaught of negative 4:19messages that you're bound to get. 4:22So for me, I came into this with a pretty clear 4:27sense of myself. 4:29And some of that comes with age. 4:31Some of that comes with experience. 4:33Some of that comes from being fortunate enough to 4:35have been raised by a loving mother, strong, focused, and 4:39a father who loved me dearly. 4:42So I fortunately came into this situation with a really 4:47clear sense of who I was. 4:49So when you hear the smack-talking from outside 4:54the world, it's easy to sort of brush that off. 4:57Because I know who I am. 4:59(applause) 5:02MS. WINFREY: But when yo came in, there were the 5:05world's expectations, there were other expectations. 5:10What did you really expect? 5:12Mrs. Obama: It' interesting, I really tried 5:15not to limit myself by expectations. 5:20MS. WINFREY: Because nobody grows up thinking 'I'm going 5:22to be a First Lady.' 5:23Mrs. Obama: Absolutely not. 5:25And as you all know, when Barack was talking about 5:26running, I was like, are you crazy? 5:29I mean, would you just, like, chill out and do 5:31something else with your life? 5:33(laughter) 5:34So I was working hard to try to get him to do the other 5:36thing, so -- whatever that was. 5:38So, yeah, absolutely, it wasn't something that I 5:41could have planned for, could have expected from myself. 5:44But one of the things I knew -- because people asked all 5:46throughout the campaign what are your issues going to be, 5:49what are you going to be like as First Lady, and I 5:51said, I have to wait until I get there to figure out what 5:55that's going to feel like for me. 5:57I specifically did not read other First Ladies' books, 6:03because I didn't want to be influenced by how they 6:06defined the role. 6:08I knew that I would have to find this role -- 6:10(applause) 6:12-- very uniquely and specifically to me and 6:14who I was. 6:16So I came in thinking about who I wanted to be in this 6:21position and who I needed to be for my girls, first of all. 6:26So you remember, Malia and Sasha were little 6:29itty-bitties when we came into office. 6:31I mean, it still moves me to tears to think about the 6:35first day I put them in the car with their Secret 6:38Service agents to go to their first day of school. 6:41And I saw them leaving and I thought, what on Earth am I 6:44doing to these babies? 6:46So I knew right then and there my first job was to 6:50make sure they were going to be whole and normal and 6:54cared for in the midst of all this craziness. 6:57(applause) 6:58And then I started to understand that if I was 7:02going to protect them, I had to, number one, protect 7:05myself and protect my time. 7:08So I knew going into this role that I didn't want to 7:11waste any time; that any time I spent away from my 7:14kids -- and I actually took this on even before I became 7:17First Lady, even as a lawyer, as a vice president 7:20at a hospital. 7:21One of the things I realized is that if you do not take 7:24control over your time and your life, other people will 7:27gobble it up. 7:28If you don't prioritize yourself, you constantly 7:32start falling lower and lower on your list, your 7:35kids fall lower and lower on your list. 7:37MS. WINFREY: So by the time you got here you knew how to 7:40do that. 7:41Mrs. Obama: I knew how to do that. 7:41MS. WINFREY: I think that's one of the number-one issues 7:43with women. 7:46I never, in all my years of interviewing, have ever 7:48heard a man say, you know, I just don't have the time, I 7:50just don't, I don't find a way to balance. 7:52Mrs. Obama: You know why? 7:53Because they don't have to balance anything. 7:55Sorry. 7:56(laughter and applause) 7:57And I hope that that is changing, but so many men 8:01don't have to do it all. 8:02MS. WINFREY: So how did you figure it out? 8:05I've read the story -- I'm sure many of you have heard 8:07the story of early on, you were going to a job 8:10interview and you took Sasha with you to interview. 8:13Mrs. Obama: Oh, yeah. 8:14MS. WINFREY: We never heard, did you get that job? 8:15Mrs. Obama: I did. 8:16I did. 8:17MS. WINFREY: Okay. 8:18Mrs. Obama: I was the vice president of community 8:19outreach for the University of Chicago Hospital. 8:22(applause) 8:23And I got that job because I didn't compromise. 8:28Because before getting -- working at that job, I was 8:31working as an associate dean. 8:33I had had Malia, Barack was in the U.S. 8:36Senate, so I was basically mothering part time on my 8:40own, having -- I had a full-time job. 8:43So I tried part time -- I've talked about this before -- 8:47I tried part time because I thought, I have to figure 8:49this out, I have to be able to pick the kids up, I've 8:51got to be able to do all this. 8:53So I tried part time. 8:54So the only thing I found out from part time was that 8:57you just get paid part time. 8:58(applause) 9:01Because I was still doing a full-time job -- 9:02MS. WINFREY: Everything, yeah. 9:03Mrs. Obama: -- I was just cramming it all into the few 9:05hours that I was there and driving myself crazy. 9:08So I had vowed that if I continued to work, that I 9:11would never settle for part time. 9:13I knew what my time and energy was worth. 9:16So when I went into that -- the president's office to 9:19interview for that job, I thought, I have a little 9:22baby, I don't have babysitting, so here we go, 9:25we're all going to go in to see the president because 9:29this is who I am. 9:32(laughter) 9:33And I said, and if I take this job, I need flexibility 9:35and I need full pay. 9:38So if you want me to leave my baby and my kids, then 9:42you're going to have to pay me, because I'm going to do 9:44the job -- that was never a question. 9:46I could deliver. 9:49But I knew then I wasn't going to sell myself short. 9:52And I had the leverage, at the time, to make 9:55that decision. 9:56MS. WINFREY: Well, that comes from a sense of -- and 9:58you said you arrived here knowing who you were. 10:00I think that is the journey. 10:03That is the journey. 10:04And there is a question from FarmFreshGal. 10:09Mrs. Obama: FarmFreshGal. 10:11MS. WINFREY: She must have her own garden. 10:13Mrs. Obama: I hope. 10:14MS. WINFREY: Like we do, yes. 10:17And FarmFreshGal says, 'As a woman leader in the 10:18corporate world, I feel like I have to be brave a lot,' 10:23-- and what you just described was brave -- 'any 10:26advice or tips on bravery?' 10:28Mrs. Obama: That's a good question. 10:32Gosh, I don't know. 10:33If I ever -- I don't ever view it as bravery. 10:36MS. WINFREY: You didn't think that was brave? 10:38Saying, look, I'm going to be paid full time? 10:40Mrs. Obama: Right. 10:41MS. WINFREY: I think that's brave. 10:42Mrs. Obama: I just viewed it as I'm not going to be taken 10:44advantage of. 10:46(applause) 10:47I am just not going to keep selling myself -- 10:49MS. WINFREY: You knew your value. 10:52Mrs. Obama: Value. 10:53That's absolutely right. 10:53MS. WINFREY: You knew your value. 10:54I was just saying that to a friend recently. 10:59Mrs. Obama: And that goes back to knowing who you are. 11:01And I think as women and young girls, we have to 11:03invest that time in getting to understand who we are and 11:06liking who we are. 11:08(applause) 11:09Because I like me. 11:10I've liked me for a very long time. 11:12(applause) 11:13So for a long time I've had a very good relationship 11:16with myself. 11:17MS. WINFREY: I know. 11:18Mrs. Obama: And we like -- we all like ourselves in here. 11:21But you've got to work to get to that place. 11:24And if you're going out into the world as a professional 11:26and you don't know who you are, you don't know what you 11:28want, you don't know how much you're worth, then you 11:31have to be brave. 11:33And then you have to count on the kindness and goodness 11:37of others to bestow that goodness on you when you 11:40should be working to get it on your own. 11:43Because you deserve it. 11:44MS. WINFREY: Because you know your own value. 11:46Mrs. Obama: Know your own value. 11:48Absolutely. 11:49MS. WINFREY: Okay. 11:50So when you're saying 'I know who I am' -- and I'm 11:52telling you, it's the thread that runs 11:54through everything. 11:55It's the thing that allows you to stand in your own truth. 11:57And one of the things for years that Maya Angelou used 12:01to say to me, is 'Baby, you need to know that you are 12:04alone are enough. 12:08You alone are enough.' 12:09(applause) 12:11So how do we get there? 12:13You were there. 12:14You've loved yourself a long time. 12:16What is that process? 12:17Mrs. Obama: I think it's different for everyone. 12:20And I can't say that I've loved myself for a long 12:23time, but there was a journey to get there. 12:25And some of it starts as a young girl -- when you 12:32confront your first bully, the first time somebody 12:35calls you out -- your name, as we would say. 12:38The first disappointments and failures that you have, 12:41how do you deal with that? 12:42What supports systems do you set up for yourself? 12:45I always tell young girls, surround yourself with goodness. 12:49I learned early on how to get the haters out of my life. 12:54(applause) 12:54You've got to just sort of surround yourself with 12:57people who uplift you, who hold you up. 13:01And for whatever reason -- well, I was lucky I had 13:04people like -- I had parents who held me up. 13:07I had a father that valued me. 13:09MS. WINFREY: I think people who have good parents are -- 13:10they come into the world with a strength, yes, and 13:13an advantage. 13:14Mrs. Obama: And that was an advantage. 13:16But if you don't have that parent -- that mother, that 13:18father -- then you've got to find it. 13:20You've got to find those people. 13:22Because they're out there. 13:23I tell my mentees all of -- there is somebody out there 13:25who loves you and who is waiting to love you, and you 13:29just have to find them. 13:30And that means you have to make room for them. 13:32And if you're surrounded by a bunch of low-life folks 13:35who aren't supporting you, then there is no room for 13:38the people who do love you. 13:40(applause) 13:41MS. WINFREY: You mentioned a moment ago 'the haters.' 13:45How do you handle the haters, particularly in this 13:48office, where haters have to be handled politically 13:52correctly and with discretion? 13:53(laughter) 13:54And I know so many people are faced with it -- we know 13:58this about social media -- people say just the meanest 14:01things, and you're faced in your life with people who 14:04can tear you down a lot -- the haters, hateration. 14:07Mrs. Obama: Well, when it comes to social media -- 14:09there are just times I turn off the world, you know. 14:12There are just some times you have to give yourself 14:14space to be quiet, which means you've got to set 14:17those phones down. 14:18You can't be reading all that stuff. 14:20I mean, that's like letting somebody just walk up and 14:23slap you, you know? 14:24(laughter) 14:26You would never do that. 14:27You would never just sit there and go, slap me in the 14:28face and I'm good with it. 14:35No. 14:36So why would you open yourself up to that? 14:38So that's one thing. 14:39With social media and -- I don't read that stuff. 14:41I learned that early in the campaign. 14:43I couldn't keep reading stuff about my husband and 14:45what people thought and -- because I knew who he was. 14:47I knew what was going on in our home, in our lives. 14:49So I didn't need to read about it from somebody else. 14:51But the other thing that I have found, particularly in 14:54this job, that it's -- people won't remember what 14:58other people say about you, but they will remember what 15:01you do. 15:02So my strategy -- and I've always been like this. 15:07When a teacher would come and tell me that I couldn't 15:09do something, I would get so much satisfaction proving 15:13them wrong. 15:14I'd be like, okay, all right, oh, you don't think 15:17I'm going to do X, Y and Z, well I'm going to be the 15:20best X, Y, Z you can imagine. 15:23So when it came to this role, I just said, you know, 15:27let me just be First Lady. 15:30Let me wake up every day and work hard to do something of 15:37value, and to do it well, and to do something 15:41consequential, and to do something that I care about. 15:44And then let that speak for itself. 15:48And that would shut up the haters, because I would have 15:51a whole portfolio of stuff that defined me because it's 15:55what I did, not what you called me. 15:58(applause) 15:59So the best revenge is success -- 16:01MS. WINFREY: Is success, yes. 16:03Mrs. Obama: -- and good work. 16:05You don't have to say anything to the haters. 16:07You don't have to acknowledge them at all. 16:10You just wake up every morning and be the best you 16:13you can be. 16:14And that tends to shut them up. 16:15MS. WINFREY: You know, I've always thought too, that the 16:19best success comes when you can actually shift your 16:23paradigm to service. 16:25And obviously, you are in a position of public service. 16:31Was it a conscious, intentional decision to sort 16:36of sit still, be with this place, and then allow your 16:42passion to fuel your interest, allow your passion 16:47to lead you to all the things you've been able to 16:50do with international girls' education, with health 16:54and wellness? 16:55Was that a conscious, intentional decision? 16:58Mrs. Obama: Absolutely. 17:00Because in this -- particularly when you're in 17:02public service, you're First Lady, the President and 17:06you're interacting with the world, people can 17:10smell inauthenticity. 17:13They know when you are not what you appear to be. 17:19And that was always something that I said in 17:21this role that -- I want people to know me, know 17:23Michelle, Michelle Robinson Obama, not the First Lady. 17:29In every interaction I have had with anybody who's had 17:32some connection with me, I have tried to be 17:34authentically myself. 17:37And in order to do that, I learned that I have to do 17:40things that I authentically care about. 17:42Because if I fundamentally, deep down have a belief in 17:46the cause, and I -- it moves me, then I'm going to be 17:50excited about it. 17:51That excitement is going to be conveyed to the people 17:54that I'm trying to reach. 17:56It's not going to be a heavy lift. 17:58That's why people say, how can you speak in front of 18:00all these people and do this every day? 18:02Look, I get energy from people. 18:06And not everybody in politics, in public service 18:09are people-people. 18:10Barack and I really do -- we are energized by the people 18:17we meet, by the military spouses that I meet out there. 18:21I picked working with military families because 18:24they moved me. 18:25I met them out on the campaign trail and I didn't 18:28know that there were millions of military 18:32families out there serving and sacrificing in ways that 18:35we take for granted in this country. 18:37And I vowed then and there, just from meeting them, that 18:40if I got to be First Lady I would try to be that voice 18:43for them, I would try to shine that light on them. 18:46(applause) 18:47So that came out of a direct passion for who those people 18:50were and what I learned about them. 18:52MS. WINFREY: And I remember when you all first arrived 18:54at the White House, you said to the country that this is 18:58your house, and we're going to open this up as your house. 19:01And so when I saw all those Girl Scouts out on the lawn, 19:05I went, you all really did open up the house. 19:07(laughter) 19:08Mrs. Obama: Yes, yes. 19:09That's been some of the most fulfilling things we've been 19:14able to do in the White House. 19:17It's really bringing people here who would never, ever 19:21get to set foot on that lawn and walk into those doors. 19:26(applause) 19:27I tell my mentees all the time -- you know, one of the 19:29things I want them to take away when they come -- 19:32because they come regularly; they come at least once a 19:34month and we sit down and we talk, and they have seminars 19:37-- and I want them all to know you walk into the White 19:40House every day, and you walk up to the First Lady of 19:43the United States and say, 'Hey, Michelle, what's 19:45going on?' 19:46And if you can do that, you can do anything. 19:49If you can exist in this space at this time in 19:52this moment -- 19:53(applause) 19:54MS. WINFREY: Yes. 19:55Mrs. Obama: And there is no class that you can't handle. 19:57There's no school whose rejection will make you fold 20:00or make you crumble. 20:02You've been here. 20:03And I've watched so many kids come through those 20:06gates and really be in that space -- picking tomatoes 20:12with me in the garden, getting to sit in and have 20:15tastings at the state dinner, being invited to 20:18watch Hamilton. 20:19I mean, just watching their eyes just experiencing 20:23things that really only the privileged get to 20:25experience, but having it be kids and people who would 20:28never believe they would set foot in that house. 20:31MS. WINFREY: You see them get empowered -- 20:33Mrs. Obama: Oh, gosh, yeah. 20:34MS. WINFREY: -- and transformed in the process. 20:36Mrs. Obama: So many kids, you think their world view 20:38will never be the same. 20:39And that's the least we can do as President and First Lady. 20:43I think that's the obligation of anyone who 20:45lives in that house. 20:47(applause) 20:49MS. WINFREY: How do you feel -- I always feel that until 20:54you take your last breath you're always growing, and 20:57that every experience that you encounter in your life 21:00-- just all of you being together here today and 21:03being in a room with people who are like-minded, who 21:07share the same vision -- all of that is so stimulating. 21:10You leave here and you feel like you can be better and 21:13do better. 21:14What has the experience -- or how has the experience of 21:18being First Lady actually grown you? 21:26Mrs. Obama: Wow. 21:26So many ways. 21:28I mean, first of all, there is absolutely nothing I 21:31can't do, right? 21:32(applause) 21:34MS. WINFREY: Because you walk in that -- 21:35Mrs. Obama: That's right, that's right. 21:36MS. WINFREY: You live in the White House. 21:37Mrs. Obama: We've been to the mountain top, and it was 21:40a hard climb but we made it. 21:41(laughter) 21:41We made it! 21:42(applause) 21:48So you just -- again, you begin to understand how much 21:50you can tolerate, how much growth you can have, how 21:56much potential there is, how much opportunity there is to 22:00help people, how fulfilling it is. 22:04I mean, that's been the thing that I've learned, that 22:07MS. WINFREY: Fulfilling in it. 22:08Mrs. Obama: Oh, it feels -- public service -- I left the 22:11practice of law to go into public service for 22:15selfish reasons. 22:17I wanted to be happy and feel good every single day. 22:21I wanted to wake up inspired and ready to do something 22:25greater than myself. 22:26And that's what service and giving and -- that's what 22:32this room means to so many. 22:36And I just want to make sure that when people leave here 22:39they don't go back into their isolation; that they 22:42don't go back to their phones, looking down. 22:44Because this relationship isn't enough. 22:47You need to have people in your lives that you're 22:50connecting with, that you're helping. 22:52I mean, there is nothing that makes me feel better 22:55than knowing that I helped to change somebody's life -- 22:58Oprah, you know this more than anyone else. 23:02And if you're doing that every single day, the 23:04haters, the doubters -- none of that matters, because you 23:09are getting so much by the -- from the work that 23:12you're doing. 23:13MS. WINFREY: Well, you know, I figured this out -- early 23:15on in the show I had read this quote from Dr. King, 23:19one of my favorite quotes from him, that says, 'Not 23:22everybody can be famous, but everybody can be great, 23:27because greatness is determined by service.' 23:30And I literally shifted -- I used that quote to help me 23:34shift the way I saw the platform of television. 23:38Instead of like, oh, I'm going to -- I'm on TV, how 23:41do I use that platform as a platform of service, is what 23:46I did. 23:46Mrs. Obama: Amen. 23:47MS. WINFREY: Yeah. 23:48Mrs. Obama: Yeah, we know. 23:48And you did that pretty well too. 23:49(laughter and applause) 23:55MS. WINFREY: But when yo think about growing and 23:58being empowered yourself, it is what you've been able to 24:02do for other people that leaves you the fullest. 24:07Mrs. Obama: Yes, absolutely. 24:08That is really the thing. 24:10So I don't know, I don't sort of -- my growth 24:14is incidental. 24:16It's the lucky gift I get for giving. 24:21And, like you said, I'm still growing. 24:26We are all still growing. 24:27I used to tell some of the young people I worked with 24:30way back in Chicago days that I used to hate the 24:33question 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' 24:35because it assumes that at some point you stop becoming 24:39and you just are something. 24:41And that would be a sad thing to think that this is it. 24:44And that's one of the things I've learned -- that there 24:47are so many phases to life that this is just -- even as 24:52big as being First Lady and living in the White House 24:55has been, this is still just a portion of a very bigger 24:58journey that I have yet to know the outcome. 25:01And I won't know it until I'm laying down. 25:03It's just ever-evolving. 25:06(applause) 25:07And I think that reality -- this experience has helped 25:10me to see that. 25:11These are just phases. 25:12And this has been a very interesting phase, and a 25:15very impactful phase, but there's more to come. 25:18MS. WINFREY: I love you saying that -- I'm 25:20not through. 25:21Mrs. Obama: We ain't through! 25:22(laughter) 25:22MS. WINFREY: We aren't through! 25:23(applause) 25:24Okay, so, yes, I believe in service. 25:27I believe in helping people. 25:28I want people to feel fulfilled and empowered in 25:31their life. 25:32But still, somedays I think it's just cool to be me. 25:36(laughter) 25:37Mrs. Obama: And I think that too -- some days it's just 25:39cool to be Oprah. 25:41(laughter) 25:43MS. WINFREY: So I want t know, what are those days 25:47when you just say, mmm, mmm, mmm -- 25:49(laughter) 25:51-- look at me in the White House. 25:53(laughter) 25:56Mrs. Obama: There are so -- yeah, just sitting up here, 25:57mmm, mmm, mmm. 25:57(laughter) 25:59There are a lot of those moments. 26:04Prince and Stevie Wonder singing in the East Room, 26:07just -- may he rest in peace. 26:09I mean, those rare gifts of entertainment, the kind of 26:13music we have been able to bring into the White House. 26:16Sitting with the Pope, watching my mother and my 26:21daughters talk to the Pope. 26:23That's like a -- 26:24MS. WINFREY: Mmm, mmm, mmm. 26:25Mrs. Obama: Mmm, mmm, mmm. 26:26(laughter) 26:31Dinner with the Queen of England, just like, mmm, 26:33mmm, mmm. 26:34(laughter) 26:35MS. WINFREY: Mmm, mmm, mmm. 26:36Mrs. Obama: You know, you try to play these moments 26:39off, like oh, yes, yes, I know what I'm doing -- and 26:41inside you're going, mmm, mmm, mmm. 26:44MS. WINFREY: Mmm, mmm, mmm. 26:46Mrs. Obama: Good lord. 26:47Watching my husband walk off of Marine One and go to the 26:51Oval Office, it's like, mmm, mmm, mmm. 26:53(laughter and applause) 26:54MS. WINFREY: Mmm, mmm, mmm. 26:55(laughter) 27:01Mrs. Obama: And you kno he's got that walk, right? 27:03MS. WINFREY: I know! 27:04(laughter) 27:06Mrs. Obama: Like, mmm, mmm, mmm. 27:07MS. WINFREY: He's got the swag. 27:09(laughter) 27:11Did he always have that swag? 27:13Or has he gotten swaggier? 27:14Mrs. Obama: No, he was very swagalicious. 27:20(laughter) 27:21Look, I told people this from the very start, when I 27:23-- started running -- Barack Obama is exactly who he 27:26says he is. 27:27We both are. 27:28That's what I've been trying to tell people. 27:30Ain't no surprises. 27:31We're telling you who we are, and no tricks up 27:33our sleeves. 27:34We're regular folks. 27:35We care about people. 27:36We care about family. 27:37We want to do well. 27:39We want to make our country proud. 27:41We don't want to waste our talents just making money 27:44for ourselves. 27:45Barack Obama hasn't changed, not as a person. 27:50Because he is an authentic man who came in, and he's 27:54going to leave that same person. 27:56(applause) 27:57So it's not the office that changes you, it's just -- it 28:02amplifies who you are. 28:03I think I said that at the last convention. 28:06Being President doesn't change who you are, it 28:08reveals who you are. 28:10And that's something that we should all remember. 28:12(applause) 28:13MS. WINFREY: This is the United State of Women. 28:17There are a lot of cool men out here. 28:21I love the -- 28:22Mrs. Obama: Let's give it up for the brothers, for the 28:23men out here. 28:25(applause) 28:26MS. WINFREY: There's a lot of cool men out here. 28:27I love the President's speech saying you're looking 28:29at a feminist. 28:31What can men do leaving here? 28:33Mrs. Obama: Be better. 28:36(laughter and applause) 28:40Be better at everything. 28:43(applause) 28:48Be better fathers. 28:51Good lord, just being good fathers who love your 28:56daughters and are providing a solid example of what it 29:00means to be a good man in the world, showing them what 29:03it feels like to be loved. 29:05That is the greatest gift that the men in my life gave 29:09to me. 29:10And we've talked about this -- the fact that I never 29:13experienced abuse at the hands of any man in my life. 29:17And that's sad to say that that's a rare reality. 29:21So men can be better at that. 29:24Men can be better husbands, which is -- be a part of 29:31your family's life. 29:34Do the dishes. 29:35(applause) 29:37Don't babysit your children. 29:39You don't babysit your own children. 29:41(applause) 29:42Be engaged. 29:44Don't just think going to work and coming home makes 29:47you a man. 29:48Being a father, being engaged, all that stuff 29:50is important. 29:51Be a better employer. 29:54When you are sitting at a seat of power at a table of 29:58any kind and you look around you just see you, it's just 30:02you and a bunch of men around a table, on a golf 30:06course, making deals, and you allow that to happen, 30:10and you're okay with that -- be better. 30:13MS. WINFREY: Be better. 30:14Mrs. Obama: Be better. 30:15MS. WINFREY: Be better. 30:15(applause) 30:17I love that. 30:19Mrs. Obama: Just be better. 30:20(laughter and applause) 30:24I could go on but I'm not. 30:26(laughter) 30:27You get the point, fellas, right? 30:29Fellas? 30:29(applause) 30:31What are you going to be? 30:32Audience Members: Better! 30:34Mrs. Obama: There you go. 30:34MS. WINFREY: There you go. 30:36(applause) 30:38So here's the question that comes up over and over and 30:40over -- we talked a little bit about it -- this 30:44idea of balance. 30:46Is that a false notion for women? 30:48Because can we really -- are we ever going to have it all? 30:52I used to say you can have it all you just can't have 30:54it all at one time. 30:55Is that a false notion? 30:57Mrs. Obama: I am always irritated by the 'you can 31:03have it all' statement. 31:04And I grew irritated with that phrase and that 31:07expectation the older I got, as you're trying to have it all. 31:11And you're beating yourself up, and feeling less than 31:15because you aren't having it all. 31:19Because it's a ridiculous aspiration. 31:22MS. WINFREY: Especially if you're looking at everybody 31:25else's Facebook page. 31:27Mrs. Obama: Oh, god, everybody has it all. 31:29Everybody is lying. 31:30They're lying. 31:31(laughter and applause) 31:32You all need to stop lying. 31:34Be real about the fact that -- no one gets everything. 31:38That was one of the first rules you learned as a 31:40little kid. 31:41You don't always get your way. 31:43Come on, people. 31:44You don't always get what you want all the time. 31:46And that's true in life. 31:48So what I've told many young people is that you can have 31:52it all, but oftentimes it's hard to get it all at the 31:55same time. 31:57MS. WINFREY: Yeah, I believe that. 31:58Mrs. Obama: So it's just a matter of 32:00managing expectations. 32:02So for me, for example, you know, when your husband is 32:05President of the United States and you have 32:07children, something has got to give. 32:10I've made compromises in my life and my career, but I've 32:15also, in exchange, gained a wonderful platform to do 32:19some great work. 32:20Who would have ever imagined that we would make the 32:23inroads we've made on healthy eating and changing 32:26the way our kids are fed in school? 32:28(applause) 32:31I can point to so many things that I've had -- that 32:35I've been able to do. 32:37If I want to be heavily involved in my girls' lives 32:42that means that sometimes I have to put some things on 32:44the back burner to give them what they need. 32:47So it's hard to have it all. 32:52But that's where you go back to knowing who you are, and 32:56knowing that you're really living through phases. 32:59And if you're compromising through one phase of your 33:02journey, you're not giving it all up, you're 33:06compromising for that phase. 33:07There's another phase that's coming up where you might be 33:10able to have more of what you thought you wanted. 33:13You get to know yourself a little bit more. 33:16So, no, I don't want young women out there to have the 33:20expectation that if they're not having it all that 33:23somehow they're failing. 33:25Life is hard. 33:27But life is long if you maintain your health, which 33:31is one of the reasons why we talk about health, talk 33:33about taking care of yourself. 33:35Because you want to get to the next phases in life 33:37where you can do more of what you want to do at any 33:40given time. 33:41MS. WINFREY: You want to be wherever you are right now. 33:42And, just like you say, I'm not through. 33:44Mrs. Obama: Mmm hmm. 33:46You're not through. 33:46MS. WINFREY: Not through. 33:48So 5,000 women and men in this room. 33:52(applause) 33:54Thousands and thousands of others streaming us online 33:58-- hey. 33:59(laughter) 34:00Hey, everybody streaming. 34:02What is the one thing -- because I think it's really 34:04easy when you come to a conference like this and you 34:07get so inspired and you see Marley and Mikaila, those 34:09young women, and you see Billie Jean King, and Gloria 34:11Steinem, and Shonda Rhimes, and Kerry Washington. 34:19Mrs. Obama: It's amazing gathering -- 34:20MS. WINFREY: You see all these women and you're just 34:22like, I just want to be more of a woman! 34:26And you're going to be overstimulated. 34:29(laughter) 34:31What is the one thing you want us to leave here with? 34:36What is the one charge or one offering? 34:40What do you want to say? 34:42Mrs. Obama: It's hard to think of one thing. 34:44MS. WINFREY: Okay, a couple. 34:45Mrs. Obama: But the work always continues. 34:50And by that I mean we're never done. 34:55We can never be complacent and think that we've arrived 34:59now as women. 35:00Because I hear this from young women. 35:02Some of you young women who aren't feeling the pains 35:08that many of our predecessors have felt -- 35:11you think, well, there aren't any problems, women's 35:14rights, we've got this all figured out, I'm already 35:17equal, I'm good -- I'm just like, oh, just you wait, 35:20you'll feel it. 35:22So the work continues. 35:25And for all the young women in this room, all the young 35:28men, we can never be complacent. 35:31Because we have seen in recent times how quickly 35:37things can be taken away if we aren't vigilant, if we 35:42don't know our history, if we don't continue the work. 35:47(applause) 35:48So my hope is that people leave here inspired and 35:52ready to do something. 35:55Again, remember, it's not what people say about you, 35:57it's what you do. 35:59So the question is what are you going to do? 36:02How are you going to be better? 36:03What are you going to change in your office, in your 36:05life, in your relationships? 36:07What are you going to change in your family dynamic? 36:10And how are you going to empower yourself with the 36:13knowledge that you need to know what work needs to be done? 36:17We can't afford to be ignorant. 36:19We can't afford to be complacent. 36:21So we have to continue the work. 36:24MS. WINFREY: I think that's powerful. 36:27Because the question that you just offered to us is 36:33what did this mean, and what can I do with what I have 36:40received from all the stimulation, all of this 36:43energy -- what can I do, that's the question. 36:46You were talking about the next phase. 36:48I heard you say that when you all are done -- we saw 36:52your new house -- when you're -- 36:55Mrs. Obama: We're neither confirming or denying. 36:58(laughter) 36:58MS. WINFREY: Okay. 36:59(laughter) 37:02When you all are done -- okay, when you're done and 37:04you move out of the White House, I've heard you say 37:08that you look forward to riding around with the 37:10windows down. 37:13You're still going to be Michelle Obama. 37:14Mrs. Obama: Yeah, I know. 37:16MS. WINFREY: And we're going to know who you are. 37:18And it won't matter how many baseball caps you put on, 37:20we're going to say, 'Hey, Michelle.' 37:22Mrs. Obama: 'Hey, Michelle.' 37:23(laughter) 37:24I get that, I see -- 37:25MS. WINFREY: So what is the one thing that you think you 37:28really want to do? 37:30And can we go shopping? 37:31Mrs. Obama: Yeah, girl, let's go shopping. 37:33MS. WINFREY: Let's go shopping. 37:34Mrs. Obama: You and me. 37:34That will be a scene. 37:36(laughter) 37:39You know, it's -- 37:41Audience Member: -- go shopping! 37:42Mrs. Obama: What? 37:43You want to go shopping with us? 37:45(applause) 37:48It's really the little things. 37:50And you feel this -- fame can be confining. 37:57And then you start missing the little things. 37:59What do I want to do? 38:00I want to walk out -- I want to open my front door 38:04without discussing it with anyone -- 38:07(laughter) 38:09-- and I want to walk out that door and just walk. 38:13(laughter) 38:14Just want to walk by myself, or with a semblance of 38:19feeling like I'm by myself, because that's what you 38:21learn how to do -- it's like, I'm alone with 800 38:25people walking behind me. 38:26(laughter) 38:27But I've learned how to -- 'I'm by myself.' 38:32But I do, I want to walk down a street. 38:35I want to sit in a yard that is not a national park. 38:40(laughter) 38:48I do want to drop into Target. 38:50I want to -- I do, I want to go to Target again! 38:54(laughter) 38:55I've heard so many things have changed in Target! 38:57(laughter) 39:00I tell my friends they're going to have to give me a 39:02re-entry training for like, okay, what do you do at CVS now? 39:07How do you check out? 39:08(laughter) 39:10It's like I've been living in a cave. 39:11But it is, it's the small things -- fresh air. 39:14In the White House you can't open a window. 39:17Sasha opened her window once -- there were calls. 39:20(laughter) 39:23'Shut the window!' 39:25It never opened again. 39:26(laughter) 39:28So it's the little things that you -- 39:31MS. WINFREY: The things that we all just take 39:33for granted. 39:34Mrs. Obama: Take for granted. 39:34I won't even ask for anonymity, because I think 39:38that's forever gone. 39:39MS. WINFREY: Yes. 39:41Mrs. Obama: But one of the things that I've learned is 39:43that if you just flow into a pattern of life with people, 39:48they give you space to come in. 39:49That's happened at my kids' school and the places where 39:53I go and work out. 39:55Once people get used to the fact that you're going to 39:57be there -- 39:58MS. WINFREY: 'It's the First Lady!' 39:59Mrs. Obama: Then it's sort of like it's over. 40:00It's like you do it a few times, it's like 'It's the 40:02First Lady.' 40:03So I hope to find a way to seamlessly work my way into 40:09a normal life. 40:10And it's going to take time, but I'm going to slowly -- 40:13MS. WINFREY: It's going to happen. 40:15And we're going to go shopping. 40:16Mrs. Obama: We're going to shop! 40:18MS. WINFREY: We're going to go shopping. 40:19And you will leave here most proud of? 40:23Mrs. Obama: You know, truly, I am most proud of my daughters. 40:27(applause) 40:29I mean, I could go down the list of my initiatives, and 40:35we have done a lot -- changed the way our kids eat. 40:38We've supported military families, we made that 40:40conversation part of the community. 40:42The work that we're doing on girls' education will be 40:44something that I do for the rest of my life. 40:47This is all work that will continue. 40:49It is there. 40:50Those problems won't be solved in my lifetime. 40:52But raising two girls -- like I said at the 40:57beginning, when I sent them off in the car that first 41:00day and they were so little, and the bulletproof glass 41:04was so thick -- I thought, oh, my god, I just want them 41:08to grow up feeling a sense -- knowing that they're 41:12loved by us. 41:14Feeling confident. 41:16Feeling a sense of normalcy, feeling a sense of 41:18obligation to do something outside of themselves. 41:22Just being good people. 41:25And we just went to Malia's high school graduation, and 41:30we're watching Sasha move her way through high school. 41:33And I am very proud of those two and how they've managed 41:38this situation and how they have continued to be 41:41themselves, regular little girls just trying to figure 41:45it out. 41:45And as all mothers do, you breathe that sigh of relief 41:50that you didn't mess up your kids. 41:53And every day I cross my fingers and hope that I'm 41:56doing right by them, and I'm providing them with a good 42:00foundation so that they can be great people. 42:03MS. WINFREY: Thank you. 42:05(applause) 42:06And I just want to say, the way you've handled this 42:08office, the way you carry yourself, have presented 42:13yourself to the United States of America, and the 42:19women of the United States of America, and men of the 42:22United States of America, reminds me of a line that 42:25Maya used to say -- it's actually in the beginning of 42:28one of her books -- she says 'You make me proud to spell 42:33my name W-O-M-A-N.' 42:37(applause) 42:38Michelle Obama. 42:42And I would like to add to that: Mmm, mmm, mmm. 42:48(laughter) 42:51Mrs. Obama: Ms. Oprah Winfrey! 42:55(applause)