Burgess COMMENTARY

Peter Burgess

20 Great Uses for the Gun in Your House

1. 1. Settle domestic disputes
2. 2. Settle disputes with neighbors
3. 3. Something constructive to do while drunk/stoned
4. 4. Hours of fun for the kids
5. 5. Hours of fun for the neighbors' kids
6. 6. A big help during temper tantrums
7. 7. Chance to be judge, jury, executioner...a big man
8. 8. Almost like having a big penis
9. 9. Big bonanza for gun thieves
10. 10. Surefire way to blow your dough
11. 11. Terrify the meter man
12. 12. Help deal with feelings of guilt, inadequacy, rage, and other honky stuff
13. 13. Fun to fondle...and so BIG
14. 14. 'I was totally sure it wasn't loaded, Your Honor.'
15. 15. Get yourself killed in a raid, rather than merely arrested
16. 16. You can't always be reading great literature, right?
17. 17. Rare chance to become a murderer, get reborn as a lab animal, etc.
18. 18. If it's good enough for America's Nazi Party, white separatists, anti-Semites,
19. fascist skinheads, militiamen, and Klansmen, it's good enough for me.
20. 19. Angry white men never screw up
21. 20. Such a comfort when depressed.